ladykatza

A quote from one of my favorite boardies: You’re so vibrant and full of life, you give me hope that I can spawn someday and still hold on to my personality, because it’s obvious you’ve managed that.

This gave me a warm fuzzy and also made me want to share a bit about motherhood. First off, its not easy. In fact, it was seven years ago today that I was in a hospital surrounded by nurses and doctors as they tried to stop the contractions before doing an emergency c-section to save the life of my first born. There was a lot of mess and a lot of pain, though I don’t remember much of either. The “experts” say we are wired to forget the bad parts and I believe this now. I do remember at one point insisting on getting up and going to the bathroom and saying “Well, this is rather un-dignified”. The nurse just snorted and said “Honey, ain’t nothin’ dignified ’bout childbirth. Its messy.”

So true. So very very true. And for some reason I found her drawl to be comforting in this dispensing of wisdom. But I think what scared me more than all the trials and tribulations of going through my first pregnancy (the second one was a breeze, really. i think it was because i knew what to expect), was the fact that my life was no longer going to be my own. Now I would be responsible for the life and welfare of a new person.

Personally, I feel that it is most important once you become a parent to take time out for yourself. To do something that re-asserts your own personal identity. The fact that I have a large support network to help with the raising of children is a great boon. For me (and my husband) we are involved in the LARPing and gaming communities. I love to do costuming, and I love to dance, and many other things. I find that when I do the things that make me happy then I am happier around my children and maybe they even become interested as well.

I’ve known women whose entire life revolved around getting married and having children and being completely involved on many levels. They were happy with this because that was their personality and what they _wanted_ to do. There is nothing wrong with this and I feel that (in America at least) we do not give these women enough credit.

I myself, however, decided to have children so that I could show them the world. I want to show them the incredible things that are on this earth in spite of all the ugliness everyone says there is. I want to teach them to be their own person and to not be afraid to take chances.

In the Dune series by Frank Herbert, he speaks of “The Parable of the Shield”. In the story it asks the question “How do you shield your children enough that they can grow to adulthood, but no so much that they cannot survive as an adult?”. Its a hard question to answer, because the instinct is to shield your children from all possible hurts. Yet I see, over and over, people that are so coddled that they cannot function once they are faced with true problems. Sometimes if I wonder if this is what gives rise to “the nanny state”.

But to get back to one of the original thoughts. If you are a parent or find yourself on the cusp of becoming one, you owe it to yourself and to your children to retain your sense of self. Personally, I intend to be that little old lady driving the red sports convertible and leaving all you young whiper-snappers eating my dust.