Life in Pain (written 12.23.06)
i woke up in pain early this morning. i remember crying out, mostly a whimper and the saying “honey?”.
“do you need some pills?” he asked.
“yes please.”
he got me the pills and about half an hour later they started working and i fell back to sleep. the alarm came all too soon after that. i was able to get up with great effort and stiffness to take my shower and then purturbed to find that there was no coffee to be had in the house. tea… yes tea would be good. i took the time to do this because school is out and i didn’t have to rush simon out the door. i haven’t turned on any of the overhead lights, the house is lit with the ambience of the christmas tree and fish tank. my angel fish i didn’t feed. they, like me, don’t seem to like mornings.
all through this i’m trying to ignore the pain. its an ever-present annoyance that is prohibiting my living a normal life. it was good for about 4 weeks, no pain. then one day i go and vacuum, not watching HOW i do it and BAM. i’m down. i’ve had another epidural and i’m back in physical therapy. i have a better therapist this time, i feel, but the therapy itself is only marginally helping. granted, i’ve only gone once.
people do not understand how much they take their bodies for granted. i always thought i had empathy for those with chronic pain problems because my i grew up with a mother that had more major surgeries than some doctors do in a lifetime. she is what they call a “chronic pain patient”. she keeps her pain meds locked up because they are just that strong. now i know much better what she had to deal with on a day to day basis to be the mother she was to me.
i may have to have surgery, and at this point, if it will make the pain stop i’m all for that. i will need to do special strengthening exercises for the rest of my life, but that’s not really a bad thing. but, i can’t sit at a desk very long. even now i’m having trouble sitting and well, lets just say my sex life has been hampered a bit. lowest disk in my back is herniated… think about it and it will make sense.
Current Mood: in pain