ladykatza

So I had one heck of a weekend. The doctor gave me the OK to dance.. within reason. No high heals, no dips and throws, and stop if it hurts. Ok, I can deal with that. So I went to Club Jungle where one of my co-workers was spinning at a Cyber Rave. Watching Raver Kids and Goths hanging out in the same place makes for very interesting people watching. They don’t like each other very much, the Ravers being of the “love one another type” and the Goths being of the “fuck off” type.

Because of my shoe resriction, I wore a long black skirt with lots of tassely and jiggly black scarves (that i whipped up about an hour before the show) with sparkly bits all over them. Then I donned an low-cut black blouse and threw my purple feather boa. Now, the feather boa has lights that blink in it, and this apparently took people a minute to figure out. More than one person came up to me and said “um…is that suppose to be blinking?”

I ran into a bunch of people from my past, one of which asked me how Simon was. He nearly dropped his drink when I said he starts Kindergarten next month. Last time he saw him Simon, he was about two months old. It was good to get out, and to be flirted with by friends, hit on (not literally) by strangers. I left about the time the rest of my co-workers started showing up. I think this is good, because I feel like keeping personal and work life seperate. Still, I stayed long enough to see the co-worker spin and dance to his music. I wanted to support him, seeing as he paid for my ticket since he couldn’t get me on the guest list.

The thing that struck home was how removed I am from the “scene” now. Club Jungle was once The Chamber, having closed and then re-opened with new decor and a different name. I recognized the some of the bar tenders, and some of the dancers. I recognized some of the “Old Crowd”. Thing is, they looked worse for wear. The late nights, drugs, alcohol, and smoking is taking its toll. They look older than they should, and the glamour is wearing off of them. I realize now that I instinctively knew I had to get away from that life, cause while I was able to stay on the fringe of the bad, sooner or later you either give in or get out. Friends, family, and conversation over a nice meal or games seems more refreshing and satisfying in the long haul. Yes I often miss “the party” but its all on the surface. Mostly I just went to dance, because it was the one thing I missed most of all. Let me dance, keep the rest.

Everyone has their moments of wanting to shrug off responsibility and go back to the “carefree days”. I have moments of frustration and stress where all I want to do is pull out my hair, scream, and break things. I think “FUCK IT ALL I’M LEAVING”. Then I realize that I chose where I am, and that I wouldn’t trade my family for anything.

Current Mood:  thankful