ladykatza

i worry too much, i know i do. i often lay awake at night worrying about what i shoulda, coulda, needed to do or could have, should have done better. i think that even if everything is OK i would find something to worry about.

my phone interview didn’t go well. i know it didn’t because i was so worked up about not knowing what i needed to know that i forgot what i needed and on occasion even started to bluff my way through but thought better of it. i know i didn’t sound confident for half of it. it was my anxiety and fear of not being good enough.

in my eyes, i’m never good enough, i’m too lazy, i’m not smart enough or pretty enough. well, at least some days. on others i’m great and i get kicked down for being concieted or arrogant. cause, you know, we’re suppose to be humble. especially women, we’re raised that way even when the parents try not to.

so i have issues and i need to get over them. unless i’m paying someone 100 bucks an hour i’m not going to get any sympathy. well, that’s not really true either, i just feel like it is. so, maybe i should just charge myself a hundred bucks for self-therapy.

Current Mood:  anxious