ladykatza

there’s nothing more comforting than homemade stew and a clean kitchen. and at the moment, i’m much in need of comfort. life has been happening at an accelerated rate lately and i feel very much out of control. even rocking my daughter doesn’t settle me like it usually does.

i yelled at Pain on the phone for forcing a decision on me. not even a big one, just a little one. “i tired of being in charge right now, i’m tired of having to make all the decisions. i just want to let someone else drive for a while!”

and with a house full of guests i locked myself in my room and cried. not for anything in paticular, but because sometimes life just comes crashing around me. i feel responsible not only for myself, the kids, and daecon, but for debbie, and for mom and dad. i feel helpless that i can’t do more for them. and right now, as Bilbo said “i feel like too little butter scraped across too much bread”.

but you know what, i make a mean stew. i’ve always done soups and stews well, its one of my specialties. except for beans. i wish i could inherit my mother’s talent for bean soup. i know that savory is good with beans. what does this have to do with the rest of it? cooking is another one of those calming experiences, and cooking to nourish and replenish your family and friends is rewarding. seeing them enjoy it is even more rewarding. it makes me feel i’ve done something worthwhile.

its one of those little things in life they talk about so much.

i feel better now, calmer and more at peace. funny how bearing your heart in writing and posting it for the world to read can do that. there are good things that have happened recently that i haven’t been able to focus on through these mired thoughts of mine. i think that tomorrow i will while the boring hours away at work writing about them. or at least, i will be less depressing.

Current Mood:  discontent