ladykatza

(to preface, my husband’s niece very much didn’t want to hit puberty, much less get breasts)

simon: i’m superman simon! felicity is cloud girl felicity!
felicity: i cloud girl, yay!!
husband’s niece: i want a superhero name too!
simon(without missing a beat): you’re Big Tit Girl!

Current Mood: still chuckling

Current Music: Satellite - Dave Mathew's Band

once again, my friends on the World’s End message board give me hours of laughter.

Thongs Here.

Current Mood: laughing until i cry

i just did yoga for the first time in quite a while because my lower back was acting up again. trouble turning, lifting, or otherwise getting around. the cramping didn’t help any, so i resort to ages old methods of healing these ailments.

yoga, and in this paticular instance, hatha yoga was developed to help the body stretch and align in ways that promote good circulation of both blood and nerves. when i keep it up, my chiropractor ends up not doing much because the yoga is doing his job.

my head suddenly feels much clearer. a few things stretched and popped in my body and i feel like my brain just snapped back in the alignment with the rest of me.

in “newage” terms, i just re-aligned my chakras and did breathing excersices to ground me and help cleanse my aura.

so someone says “HA! i knew it! you are one of those newager freaks and you’ve been holding out!”. well, no, not really. i grew up around it. Mom was always very into all that. she often did psychic fairs and past life readings as well. until a bad depression put her on prozac, she always had uncanny abilities to know and see things. because of her i know a true fake when i see one. some other stuff i just thought was silly. sorry mom, but the crystal/pyramid thing i never did buy. i still love you though.

anyway, on with what i was saying. the auras and the chakras can be proven by scientific intruments. the body has energy and currents, that’s just fact. ancient people knew this without some bottle washer and button sorter telling them. another thing that they also knew, and that i can agree with, is that our mind has a great deal of power over the rest our body.

again, science here has proven direct corrolations between stress and anxiety and our health. worry and anxiety killed my paternal grandmother before i was born. it caused heart problems with my father. it weakens our immune system… the list goes on. i too am pre-disposed to worry and stress and cause myself problems.

while science has done a great deal to help us, the best road to health has always been recognizing when you start making yourself sick. take a step back, do some yoga, go walking, meditate, excersice, relax. remember that when you go looking for medical problems, you usually find one. even if its not there (and yes, i know the name for that psychological condition).

Current Mood: centered

i’ve had two cups of coffee and still i’m not feeling awake. i need to get a shopping list together and pack up the kids and head out. its going to rain some more, too.

yesterday, my husband finished the rest of the lawn. i was asleep when he started and woke up when i heard him turn on the mower and came out to find the kids had fallen asleep on the couch. daecon had come in for a second to get a drink and brought me to the door to show me a small box turtle in a box. simon’s going to love that!

so a few minutes later the lawn mower cuts off and daecon comes in asking for a large jar or something else to put this frog in. ooo! a turtle AND a frog, even better. my mom would be having fits by now, she’s not big on reptiles and small furry rodents. i can attest to this by my great dissapointment as a child that i wasn’t allowed to have a pet snake. we compromised on gerbils and guinea at one point. the gerbils didn’t go so well, but the guinea pig was great fun.

anyway, about 20 minutes later the kids wake up and when daecon gets in from mowing we show them the animals. OH! what fun! we explained to be careful around the turtle because they like to eat worms and little fingers might be mistaken for worms.

so fun ensues until the frog escapes and hops away. we’ve looked everywhere. under things, in things, over things, moved furniture. no frog. felicity cries over the frog and i’m secretly hoping the cat gets to it first before we hone in on it because of the smell.

simon wants to take the turtle to bed. nope, turtle stays in its box until morning, and then we are going to let it go after breakfast. more crying for bedtime, but this morning things went well enough. i showed simon that his tomato plant has blossoms on it. this distracted him in a discussion on when we would get actual tomatoes. i hope soon, becuase i want him to be excited next year about a garden.

felicity is currently re-decorating the house with mardi-gra beads.

Current Mood:  lazy

there is a saying “if money can fix it, its not a problem”. i’m not sure but i think my husband coined it. he says that whenever i start to stress over the monentary in order to point out that everything else in my life is good. my relationships with family and friends are good and strong, even when there are times that i think that i am alone. if ever i am alone, it is mine own imagination. i am loved and i love well.

another hard lesson that i have had to learn is that i do not have to do it all myself. it is ok to ask for help. it is ok to allow others to help me. it is ok to be confident in my abilities. confidence is not the same as conceitedness, and a small amount of arrogance helps when trying to sell your talents to the next job.

so, i’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride for the past several months. for any of you that have taken the backlash of this, i apologize. know that i still care for you. thank you for being there for me and understanding.

Current Mood: emotionally spent

Current Music: cicadas, frogs and crickets

i got a new ipod shuffle with my free stuff points from work. then i went and got a cassette adapter for my car, and now i have control over my listening pleasure.

my kids are going to vacation bible school this week. i wasn’t too keen on it, but daecon talked me into saying OK. pointed out that they are both intelligent children that will come to their own conclusions.

i remember when simon was not yet two and we were still living in an apartment, we use to take simon over to a park on whitlock avenue. its a very large and elaborate setup. walking along one of the catwalks, a lady with a skirt down to her ankles in 80 degree weather hands me a pamplet. i looked at the pamplet and sighed.

great… jesus crispies.

well.. i should also mention at the time daecon had long, frizzie blue hair. a black guy starts talking to him while he’s pushing simon in the swing, and i see daecon get into a amicable but animated conversation while the man held a piece of paper. it was obvious he was giving my husband a rather practiced speech. after i while i wander over that way and stand by daecon to listen just as the paper had been ripped and ended up on the ground in the shape of a cross. daecon as usual, was curt and well spoken on his views of such things. i remember the other man looking rather thoughtfull at his words and then he departed.

i then and still do hold to the opinion that whatever you believe in is your business and shouldn’t be pushed on others as long as you don’t murder people or their pets, or in any other way endanger other people and property. i don’t see why i shouldn’t extend that to my children. maybe when they get a year or two older i’ll start taking them to other places of worship. the jewish temples, the mosques, the buhdist monestary, the hindu temple, all within a short driving distance from here.

it was when i started studying all the other religions, and learned that their are a great number of similarities. i learned that people need something to believe in. having faith that there is someone or something larger out there that is taking an interest in one’s well-being. the ritual and ceremony that one goes through is very cleansing, and it centers. it gives people a framework on how to live their lives. (which might explain the reason a many number of people i know with worse than average social and psychological issues become rather involved in a religion)

well.. i think that’s enough rambling for the evening.

Current Music: Alan Parson's Project - Dream Within a Dream

Wikipedia has the following information on John G Roberts. One might find this rather interesting.

Current Mood:  nerdy

so the kids ended up spending the night with grandma debbie last night. she was just going to have one of them spend the night, but instead both stayed. i guess they gave her puppy dog eyes or something. either way, i got almost a full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep and a quiet morning, which i think was the best medicine i could get. i needed it.

i’m feeling the affects of stress and apathy on my body, and i’m not happy with what its doing. i was doing well with my eating habits and excercise for a while there. i need to face my money situation. its fixable, i’m just scared of it right now. i don’t like feeling under the gun. let’s see, i need to do my resume up and actually start applying for jobs. my bosses and my husbands seem convinced i shouldn’t have a problem finding one. we’ll see.

i’ve been skimming the news pages again, and there is so much political hubbub that my head is spinning. The Supreme Court Nomination, the CIA leak, Iraq, HP laying off 14k workers, London Bombings, Genocide #325 on the African contienent, Supreme Court ruling that about seizing land for public access… and the list goes on.

in a world of satellite communications and the internet, get the news, get it now, get it fast. bad news sells, and the good is reserved for 5 minute spots on 60 minutes. I wonder what would happen if one day we woke up and found that nothing interesting is happening. “nothing to see here, move along”

i think we’d die of withdrawal.

the world hasn’t really gone crazy, we just have instant access and more people. ever stood in the middle of a busy city and just let all the senses run together as one. the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touch of the whole thing turns into one loud humming noise and if you dissassociate yourself enough, you can hear the ohm beneath.

have you ever done this on a mountaintop, forest, valley, or field? have you ever done this at all?

i want to take big bites out of life and i think my biggest fear is i might miss something. i want to see the world, and i want to take my family with me. i want to know that somehow my life has deeply affected other’s in a good way. i want to think that i’ll be remembered with fondness when i am gone.

its 11 o’clock and i’m going home now.

Current Mood: strange

The Supreme Court ruled today that private property may be absconded by the State for development reasons. Even if you do NOT live in a blighted area.

Article here

On a paticular message board I frequent, the following was said, and I find it highly insightful.

The nub of this problem is actually here:

“Any property may now be taken for the benefit of another private party, but the fallout from this decision will not be random,” O’Connor wrote. “The beneficiaries are likely to be those citizens with disproportionate influence and power in the political process, including large corporations and development firms.”

No-one should have disproportionate influence and power in the political process - To acknowledge that a disproportion exists is to acknowledge that the political system is broken.

So. What are we going to do about this?

Current Mood:  aggravated

if you look up “pundit” in the dictionary, or in this case www.m-w.com, you get the following:

One entry found for pundit.
Main Entry: pun·dit
Pronunciation: ‘p&n-d&t
Function: noun
Etymology: Hindi pandit, from Sanskrit pandita, from pandita learned
1 : PANDIT
2 : a learned man : TEACHER
3 : one who gives opinions in an authoritative manner : CRITIC
- pun·dit·ry /-d&-trE/ noun

and if you look up philosopher you get this:

Main Entry: phi·los·o·pher
Pronunciation: f&-’lä-s(&-)f&r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, modification of Middle French philosophe, from Latin philosophus, from Greek philosophos, from phil- + sophia wisdom, from sophos wise
1 a : a person who seeks wisdom or enlightenment : SCHOLAR, THINKER b : a student of philosophy
2 a : a person whose philosophical perspective makes meeting trouble with equanimity easier b : an expounder of a theory in a particular area of experience c : one who philosophizes

which i find interesting, because if you look up the first definition of pundit, its pandit, and that gets you this:

Entry: pan·dit
Pronunciation: ‘pan-d&t, ‘p&n-
Function: noun
Etymology: Hindi pandit, from Sanskrit pandita
: a wise or learned man in India — often used as an honorary title

i will now ask you to take the time to annalyze similarities (and differences) here.

to explain where this came from, i have to backtrack and little and explain how some of my brain software works. i have, and always will be, a multitasker. i’ve always wanted to know something about everything, and i am constantly skimming all forms of media for more information. the internet was invented by people like me. while this has its drawbacks (mistaken for having ADD as a child), i’ve found that it serves very well in being able to get a mental relief map of how the world is working. sometimes, as for a writing such as this, i take a closer look at the terrain. but i digress…

one of the things that i hear and read in my skimming is the term “pundit” and “talking heads” or “the experts say”. certain bytes come up and say that policy is being shaped by these pundits for things such as global warming and genetic research. we have “economic pundits” and “ecological pundits” and “political pundits” and “business pundits” and “religious pundits” and.. hold on, rewind that.

did i just say religious pundits? aren’t those suppose to be philosphers? when did we get “experts” pontificating (i’m liking this word today. PONTIFICATING! its what i’m doing right now… hey… I’M a pundit) on religion? aren’t those kinds of people suppose to be philosophers and stay in the realm of clergy and acedemecia?

i seem to remember that in human history, philosophers helped shape the landscape of societal structure by speaking at length on their thoughts and epiphanies. many of them were persecuted for speaking their mind, and while that’s not a practice of the times, one can certainly see the debates that arise from what our “pundits” have to say. i can’t see them as philosphers. those have been filed away with antiquity for they don’t translate into soundbytes very well (”soundbyte” is a word that has been invented in my lifetime).

hmm… i should say here that religion and philosphy does not always go hand in hand, but usually they do. both spring from ideals that the human mind has created. they both are things purely cerebral, and have little to do with measuring, mixing, stirring, or computing in scientific manner.

pundits always seem to allude to this fact or another, in interest of science and all. to me, however, they all seem to be doing the same thing, espousing purely cerebral opinion. they use the same logic that i’m using to draw a connection.

that is to say… none.

oh.. and one other thing. anyone who has studied statistics knows that they can be manipulated to say anything you want. much like corporate accounting.

Current Mood:  thoughtful

Current Music: Bjork -Human Behavior

there’s nothing more comforting than homemade stew and a clean kitchen. and at the moment, i’m much in need of comfort. life has been happening at an accelerated rate lately and i feel very much out of control. even rocking my daughter doesn’t settle me like it usually does.

i yelled at Pain on the phone for forcing a decision on me. not even a big one, just a little one. “i tired of being in charge right now, i’m tired of having to make all the decisions. i just want to let someone else drive for a while!”

and with a house full of guests i locked myself in my room and cried. not for anything in paticular, but because sometimes life just comes crashing around me. i feel responsible not only for myself, the kids, and daecon, but for debbie, and for mom and dad. i feel helpless that i can’t do more for them. and right now, as Bilbo said “i feel like too little butter scraped across too much bread”.

but you know what, i make a mean stew. i’ve always done soups and stews well, its one of my specialties. except for beans. i wish i could inherit my mother’s talent for bean soup. i know that savory is good with beans. what does this have to do with the rest of it? cooking is another one of those calming experiences, and cooking to nourish and replenish your family and friends is rewarding. seeing them enjoy it is even more rewarding. it makes me feel i’ve done something worthwhile.

its one of those little things in life they talk about so much.

i feel better now, calmer and more at peace. funny how bearing your heart in writing and posting it for the world to read can do that. there are good things that have happened recently that i haven’t been able to focus on through these mired thoughts of mine. i think that tomorrow i will while the boring hours away at work writing about them. or at least, i will be less depressing.

Current Mood:  discontent

so i’m retiring my old character at AIT. the storytellers had dubbed her “anita the influence whore”. the only reason that character exists is because daecon convinced me to come in and play a purely asthetic and support character to keep another character from trying to kill his character in game.

it worked, and daecon gained a whole new level of noteriety for his ability to get me to do this. this is really because i played it up a lot, but in fact i had a great deal of fun. first game i showed up in this dress. however, i have a new character i want to play and i think she’s going to be a lot of fun.

tommy and jennifer had come over last friday to spend the night, and we took a great number of pictures. the following two i’m going to submit as part of my character background. the following were taken by Pain.

me in color

me with fangs…

Current Mood:  awake

so i should really be alseep right now.

so simon, as with most little boys i think, likes to go potty outside. you know.. take advantage of that whole “i can piss standing up” superiority complex men have. *ahem* anyway.

right after he had started potty training we went to my husband’s family reunion. not so much because we enjoy them, but, well.. its family. simon was running around with the cousins and then stopped and decided he had to pee. so he whipped it out right there and started to pee on the concrete. one of his cousins decided to do the same things.

while they were facing each other. right…

so one of the relatives goes running up to them and puts her hands on top of their heads and turns them 90 degrees so they won’t be facing each other at least. this incident is now talked about at every family get together. i think there’s even a picture. *evil grin* much better than bathtub pictures.

so today i let the kids play in the backyard without direct supervision. i have a full view of the yard from my sunroom. i was taking the time to relax and i heard felicity start fussing and go to investigate. simon’s out there with his trousers down. i tell him to go inside to potty, he knows better.

simon replies with: “the ants were scaring felicity so i was putting water on them!”

*blink* *facepalm* wtf?

i go look, sure enough, he was peeing on an anthill. *grumble grumble* go inside now *grumble* never a dull day.

Current Mood: sleepy

today i learned what a donkey punch is, if you want to know, use google.

but i’m thinking i’ve got a strap-on and a couple ex-boyfriends i’d like to try it on.

Current Mood: bitter

(but really, that fly is a recording device from aliens and.. why are you looking at me funny?)

simon comes hopping into the kitchen the other morning and the following conversation ensues:

me: hi simon!
simon: i’m not simon, i’m a shrog!
me: a shrog, what’s that?
simon: a FROG (he has problems with the ‘f’ sound, somes out ’sh’)
me: OH! hi frog, how are you?
simon: i’m a sh..frog, i want bugs for breakfast!
me: we’re out of bugs simon, how about a bagel?
simon: frogs don’t eat bagels
me: frogs don’t talk, either
(simon looks a little perplexed at this point)
simon: yes they do, because i talk, and i a frog.
(uh huh.. no arguing with that logic)
me: ok, how about a bagel with bugs in it?
simon: um.. ok, but only if it has creamcheese.

we were driving to AIT yesterday afternoon. it was daecon, jen, tommy, and myself. the area of town is around memorial avenue, near the zoo. i’m looking at houses in the area, because you can tell people are starting to make an effort to improve the living areas. i see a house that has been painted a light baby yellow, with baby-blue trim.

me: YECK!
everyone: what?
me: that house, it was horrid. pastel yellow with baby blue trim.
jen and tommy: eeeewwww
me: i have come to the conclusion that inner-city ethnic people often have bad taste in decor

(hmm… as PC as i could make that observation, and that’s the way i said it too) i see another atrocious house, i point it out.

daecon: actually, this is a gay community now.
(another house)
tommy: you would think that gay people would have better taste in decor. they know you aren’t suppose to put those colors together, they clash, they’re HORRIBLE!
jen: you’ve never seen a drag queen, have you?

Current Mood:  amused

i’ve reached the stage of “cheerful bitterness”. i think sometimes i could write stand up comedy when i’m in this mood. people find the non-chalant and caustic bitterness wrapped up into cliche quips like “fuck ‘em, i don’t care anymore” to be funny when you inserted artfully in a tale of woe that we’ve all been through.

i told my mom, “well, i’ve finally joined the ranks of true adulthood. i’m getting laid off.”

fuck ‘em, i don’t care anymore.

ok, but that’s not really true. i do care, and i am worried, but in a way i see this as a good thing. it was time for me to move on, to get something else. i’ve been type-cast within this company. in a way i did a lot of growing up here, i made a lot of mistakes. while many of those that saw the mistakes are gone, i feel reputation sometimes lingers.

i got married and had two children while working here. i built a network of friends, family, an co-workers. i’ve watched this industry change for a global economy and i see why things are happening as they are. globalization is real, its not going away, and the redistrubution of wealth hits the wealthiest countries rather hard. life moves on and i move with it. things will work out, and they will be OK because i will it so. i am an intelligent and perceptive woman, and i see no reason why i shouldn’t make things work out for me.

Current Mood:  determined

my last official date of employment is September 7th. i got the severence package in the mail. so guess what? word is out and i have people (old co-workers) contacting me. most are being sympathetic or holding there toungues. some are trying to help me locate a job. all of which i appreciate. but there are a few that feel a necessary “i told you so” or otherwise gloat. and you know what, the mood i am in, if anyone does that in person they are going to get a facefull of my fist. or bitchslapped, i haven’t decided which yet.

now, that said, i am not really worried. what i am is pissed off, i’m angry, and i’m determined. i will make the best of the cards that are delt to me. sometimes these things are a blessing in disguise.

but i still don’t recommend anyone try my temper right now. i’m on a VERY VERY VERY short fuse.

Current Mood:  pissed off

the company i work for has decided to lay off ALL contact center employees. including the department i work in.

the last day is Sept. 7th.

now, wether or not the Tier 2 agents will be absorbed to the NOC or not, i do not know.

Current Mood:  anxious

christian denomination church UCC votes to promote tolerance and support for all relationships

Current Mood:  hopeful

i’m one of the lucky ones in the world of the cube farm. my desk is next to several very large windows. most of the time the blinds are closed to keep the sun from glaring across my computer screens. but one stays open most times now that the person that was most affected by it has moved on. i get to watch the reflection of the clouds drifting by in the mirrored glass of the buildings across the way and the sun set in the evening.

i have always loved the sunshine, although my fair complection has usually prevented me from enjoying it for long periods of time. my side of the bed is next to the large window, and in the afternoon i love to lay in the sunshine and watch quietly as the birds enjoy the birdbath in my herb garden. its calming and peaceful.

the worst of my melencholy has passed, and things aren’t as bleak as my mind wanted to make them out. i’ll blame it on hormones this time. watching the thunderstorm rage through with all its fury seems to have taken some of my feelings with it.

on rain spattered windows
a false moon glints
streetlights though treetops
i no longer lament

what cause this disturbance
of fury and rage
there is no explanation
my life turns a page

Current Mood: calmer

Current Music: the glory of god is within you -kama sutra: a love story soundtrack