ladykatza

i have to put flea powder down today while the kid’s are at debbie’s. the cat’s been treated but i’m finding flea bites on my kids. not good.

so, i had to go homedepot ANYWAY, so i went out of my way to go to the one next to my favorite blackberry patch. gotta check ‘em, you see. its getting to be that time. there’s several different types up on this forgotten section of government land, and the early ones are ripening. i think i picked a pound and a half from just a short section.

*grin*

Current Mood: sunburnt

i decided to take bereavment leave even though i can’t make it out to colorado. it was at daecon’s urging, because i didn’t really think it was necessary. i’ve had my full-out crying and now there is this empty space in my heart. i’m have this urge to go on a long distance drive.

so saturday i got the urge to rearrange my kitchen cabinets, and realized that i had meant to make a cherry pie the other day. never made pie crust from scratch before, seen my mom and grandma do it a hundred times at least. so i did, and i was mightely impressed with myself. it was a lot easier than i thought. hell, it was a piece of cake. well.. pie.

anyway, i went over to kip and jennifer’s for their one day back in town and cut out a couple of shirts. they are always good to visit when i want low-maintenance, no drama company. she’s the only one, except dreama (whom i never get to see these days) that’s interested in canning and cooking. and well, she runs a costuming business, so i don’t get funny looks for that, either.

i’m surprised every time someone tells me they don’t know how to cook. especially women. maybe i’m applying stereo types, but i think everyone should at least know the basics. like how to make scrambled eggs and plain ol’ rice. i recently taught a friend how to do this.

ok… i digress. i’m going to go borrow debbie’s sewing machine and put these shirts together. hopefully they turn out well enough to wear to work.

Current Mood:  complacent

my grandmother was born sometime between the first world war and the great depression in hibbing, south dakota, and deloras wasn’t her first name. you would think that i would know more detail than that, but for some reason it didn’t seem all that important. its written somewhere, i can always go look it up. but what was important to me was who she was as a person and the impact she made on my life. my biggest regret is that she always lived so far away.

grandma was a stalwart woman. she was of the generation that was shaped by the great depression and the second world war. a generation that was still mostly raised on farms and went to one room school houses where they were met out with stern punishment if they misbehaved. radio was a big deal for them, and they saw the industrial revolution give way to the technological one.

she raised five kids, four girls and one boy. she worked as a legal secretary for many years to help pay for their college and often relied on my mother to take care of the younger ones, as my mother was the oldest. but that is just facts…

grandma liked to play scrabble, and she could play it better than anyone else i knew. when i married daecon, he played scrabble one night with my mom, and she exclaimed “you should play with MY mother, maybe she’ll lose for once!” grandma had an amazing vocabulary and a penchant for puns that would make you groan. she had a dry, sarcastic humor and often would seem stern to anyone that didn’t know her well. oh, and she loved to bake cookies for her grandkids. oatmeal and raisin, peanut butter, and ginger snaps were her favorites. i remember the summer i spent in minnesota with them i would run off to the surrounding pastures and pick berries. i’d bring them back by the bucket and grandma didn’t know what else to do with them, so she made pie, and cobbler and all manner of goodies. she kept a garden, and i delighted in picking beans with her and then helping her can them. they had a basement full to the brim of canned goods.

grandma had a shrewd mind, and when most people her age got frustrated and gave up trying to figure things out, she kept up. she figured out how to keep in touch using email even before it became stupid simple. often she’d email me with some technical question and before i could even answer it, she’s send another one saying “nevermind, i figured it out”.

i remember her being a plump round woman, and then deciding one day that she didn’t want to be that anymore. she learned a new way of cooking and started walking every day. two miles a day is what she did, didn’t start until the age of sixty and i always thought that was the coolest thing. then, she was always an organized and determined woman. she’d do anything she set her mind to.

there are many things about her that are hard for me to relay in words right now, but i miss her and i am glad that i had her in my life. i am also greatful that she was able to meet her great grandkids before she died.

Current Mood: mourning

My Grandmother, Deloras Stoddard died today at 5:30pm EST.

thank you so much everyone for you support.

grandma is being moved to a hospice to make her comfortable until she dies. apparently she is so doped up she’s halucinating a great deal. my aunt pat is paying for a plane ticket for mom and dad to go out there this saturday to see her, because they are saying middle of july may be more generous.

this will be the second grandparent in 6 months that i’ve seen laid to rest. i don’t remember exactly how old grandma is, she’s well into her 80’s.

as far as the software, i think i’m just going to do it the old fashioned way and just tape a message strait to VHS. easier for them anyway.

Current Mood:  sad

i just got off the phone with my mother. after the on-going tests they have done for my grandmother, they had determined it is in fact bone-marrow cancer. they started the treatment for that paticular cancer and it her body can’t handle it at all. so they’ve taken her off that and put her back on morphine to keep her pain free as much as they can.

they give her about 60 days. i want to go see her but i can’t afford the plane ticket.

does anyone know some good video editing software? i have an idea for something i can make and send her.

Current Mood:  gloomy

i’ve had that “i need to go dancing” bug for some time now. i mean, i have a pretty awesome speaker system at home, and i often crank it up and start to move. but i want to a club where the music and the base overwhelm all other things and all is left is the beat. you don’t think, you don’t talk, you dance.

i’m a good dancer, i do not doubt this one thing about myself. i move out onto the dance floor in steps timed to the simplest beat, i find a space, the larger the better. i sway for a bit until it hits me and my body starts moving. arms to one beat, legs to another, my hips… they have a mind of their own. they punctuate, they rotate, and curve to the dips, the jerks, the sways in the music. i forget myself, i’m breathing hard, my hands go through my hair and i feel my body responding as if being caressed by my lover.

Pain described it to someone “its as if she’s just come alive”.

i put a lot of sex into my dancing. i can’t help it. and the images that run through my head, oh yes, those are naughty ones. you want to know? dare i tell you? dark, handsome lover finds me irresistable and manhandles me to a dark private corner… you getting the picture?

i’ve never had sex in a club before.

i went to the Chamber on a thursday night (fetish night) for my birthday some years ago, dressed in my evil catholic school girl outfit. pigtails, red plaid skirt, black, button-down shirt tied up, killer goth boots and black fishnets. it was my husband’s request. when we got there, i just hit my groove that night, dancing in ways i KNEW were going to ache the next day.

i go to take a break, this man in kakis and a white, button down shirt with company logo on it ask daecon if they could dance with his wife. “i don’t know, ask her”

sure, i say. why not, so i dance more for him than with him. goth club, ya know. he’s not bad. the dance is over, i go back to the table that we’ve staked out. the man goes back over to his buddies and HIGH FIVES THEM! i see money pass hands.

oh.. i was a fucking BET. daecon was highly amused.

Current Mood: wanting to dance

my daughter has learned the joys of “redial”…

Current Mood:  amused

so i work in the midtown area of atlanta, rather upscale. beautiful houses that i don’t even want to think about the pricetag. i usually go for a walk past them to the park since its nice and shady, and to those who pay attention, a good deal of wildlife. today i found a large pile of very green bamboo shafts that had obviously been cut back from someone’s yard. i couldn’t resist. i grabbed the one with the least resistent branches to take off and was swinging it around on my walk back to the building.

for some reason, people would take one look at me, even when i wasn’t swinging it around and give me a wide berth. or even move to the other sidewalk. come on.. i’m not THAT scary.

so.. in other thoughts:

patience has not been one of my virtues and i have been making myself cultivate this paticular trait. for those that it does not come naturally to, it is not an easy task. i think my kids have been the biggest test of this. however, right now… i’m losing the battle on needing to know something. its making me edgy… like a cat that’s had its fur rubbed the wrong way.

Current Mood: snarly

every one gets a song stuck in their head, and i myself am no different. but on occasion, i get a phrase or paragraph stuck in my head. often times the voice in my head reciting it is a deep gravelly voice like that of Orson Wells or William S Burroughs. sometimes it is that of a woman’s voice, much like the Lady of the Lake might sound.

today, it is Orson Wells, and it is the paragraph spoken at the beginning of “Tales of Mystery and Imagination” by The Alan Parson’s Project.

“For my own part, I have never had a thought which I could not set down in words with even more distinctness than that with which I conceived it. There is, however, a class of fancies of exquisite delicacy which are not thoughts, and to which as yet I have found it absolutely impossible to adapt to language. These fancies arise in the soul, alas how rarely. Only at epochs of most intense tranquillity, when the bodily and mental health are in perfection. And at those weird points of time, where the confines of the waking world blend with the world of dreams. And so I captured this fancy, where all that we see, or seem, is but a dream within a dream.”

Current Mood: lethargic

once again, my co-workers are filling up the boring saturday afternoon arguing over theoretical science. jump gates, artificial gravity, cold fusion… usually leads into an argument about why currently research isn’t going in a paticular direction, and “why can’t they do this”. usually followed by me saying “why aren’t you doing something about it yourself?”.

which reminds me, remember furbies? those strange toys with a learning AI that the military banned because they learned to talk and repeat what you say? ya.. larry is scared of them. i walked by yesterday and he was mumbling to himself “maybe furbies were talking to each other in binary”. i heard and repeated outloud “furries are talking to each other in binary.. what?”

oh.. furbies, not furries. terribly different. larry didn’t get it, and that’s possibly a good thing.

i start school in august, and i’m suddenly intimidated. it took me years to convince myself that i’m actually smart enough to take all the math classes required for computer sciences. granted, my degree is “international studies: global technology” but i still have to have a great deal of math. daecon keeps telling me i don’t give myself enough credit. a paticular co-worker said to me what i think is true across the board for people that know me; “your ditz act doesn’t work on me, i know its a complete farce”.

i point out on occasion that its useful when needing to pacify surly network admins. “here… call them, use your soothing voice” its strange being a relatively attractive female in a generally male dominated industry. in conversations with my husband and father, they pointed out that the IT industry is still new enough that the few women that do decide to go for it usually have an easier time than say in… construction (but power tools are fun).

oh ya, did i mention the school i’m going to has about a 4 to 1 male/female ratio? my husband was quick to point this out, and said i’ll have to be careful what i wear. don’t want to distract all the boys. HA! whatever. i’m married, i have kids. what do those young pups want with me?

hey cool… i just put my “Doors Greatist Hits” cd in the computer here at work and i discover that it was hidden video files on it. thing is like… 8 years old. sweet! but it won’t play the actual songs.. grr. oh well. the videos were a nice momentary distraction form an otherwise boring day. tomorrow will be boring too.. monday will be ugly… and then i’ll have two more days left and my eight day stretch of 10 hour days will be over. then i’ll have the schedule i wanted in the first place.

Current Mood:  bored

Current Music: sheryl crow -roselyn

Bjork’s music always makes me want to crawl across the floor in languorous seduction.

courtesy of a little birthday money, i went to vespucci’s for lunch and sat under the shade tree and read my book. it was pleasantly warm, and i was pleased to watch the birds, unafraid of humans, hopping around picking up leftovers. the only thing spoiling my perfect moment was an overly-loud woman on a cell phone.

but while i was not reading and successfully ignoring rude people, i was pondering. i’ve recently become smitten with the writting style of a certain firesmithand i’m envious of the way that he tells a story. i shouldn’t be, everyone has their own style. mine is often disjointed and flighty, much like me. then again, i think he has more practice.

which got me to thinking about his latest post about Jackie, and suddenly i felt that maybe i’m not really a good mother. i have a temper, and sometimes i forget to count to ten. sometimes i snap at them because of their insecent whining. sometimes i lock myself in the bathroom and cry because i just don’t know how to deal with the little things without screaming. my life is not an unhappy one, and i have everything that is important. still, i am prone to waves of melencholy when i ponder all of the things that i cannot fix. i worry about my loved ones, and wish that i could help them. then i realize that i’m already doing the best i can to help them by taking care of me.

but anyway… enough about that.

Pain got an email recently from someone starting a new con to replace the now debunked Fantasm, called Frolicon, inviting him to be in their art show. i told him he better do it or i’ll kick his ass. i guess this means that some of the photos of me will be at a public showing. i know some of the ones that he’s done are up at The Hole in Chattanooga, but that makes me nervous.

Current Mood: introspective

this just looks cool . especially the part about alert system for falling asleep.

Current Mood:  curious

i forgot to bring a book to work. so, instead, i will post thoughts from the land of simon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
daecon (whispering): hey simon, would you like an icecream sandwhich?
simon (looking very confused): um.. well.. daecon, i have to tell you something.
daecon: what’s that simon.
simon: well… icecream will melt and that means.. um.. (he’s obviously collecting his thoughts)
daecon: yes?
simon: daaeecon.. icecream melts, it doesn’t go on sandwhiches!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
simon: the itsy bitsy spiderwent up the waterspout, merrily, merrily, merrily, gently down the stream…are those the right words, daecon?

Current Mood:  amused

so i’m dressed up, i’m hot, and i know it right now.

but somehow i always manage to find something to rain on my parade. the van (the old car) decided to kill the alternator this morning and i had to be out of the house at 7:15am to go get my stranded daecon. i didn’t go to bed until late last night. i can’t complain about that, several hours of pampering and … *counts in her head* um.. a lot of orgasms.

ok, so i’m not that gloomy, i just don’t wanna be a work. and i want to be getting drunk…

in short, i’d rather be partying. oh well, i’ll just sit here and look pretty or something.

oh look… lolipop!

Current Mood: wanting to be drunk

Current Music: bjork - bachelorette

the title says it all.

i’m sitting on the backporch with my laptop (drinking beer… pete’s strawberry blonde… mmm..) watching my kids play in the dirt, which at this point is almost mud. felicity is slinging the dirt at simon as he tries to dodge.

they are almost unrecognizable through the layer of dirt and i don’t have the heart to stop them since they are having fun. you know… practicing their verbals. throwing handfuls of dirt yelling “FIREBALL GOOO!”

*sigh* they needed a bath anyway.

Current Mood: *sigh*

felicity asks me to rock her and sing to her before going to bed. i find this to be one of the most calming and grounding activities of my day. simon does this as well, only not as often.

its in those moments that i feel it will all be worth it in the end.

Current Mood: motherly

last night was fun, but a bit strange.

Gone in Sixty Seconds (director’s cut) was a good movie.

sugar makes me hyper, i have not yet outgrown this.

Current Mood:  tired

ok, i promise, this is the last one for the day.

i decided to google “ladykatza” just for the hell of it and see what comes up.

two of the links:

how to repair a leaky faucet with a link to a blog post
and this one if you go most of the way down you see the link to the top level of my domain.

ok.. WTF?

Current Mood: surprised